Know that I'm Proud
by TheMacUnleashed
Summary: 50 snapshots of Dean as he deals with the Apocalypse, as well as his changing relationship with Cas. Implied Dean/Cas.


_a/n: _Prompts from the JC forums; title taken (entirely out of context) from Fleetwood Mac's _Everywhere_.

* * *

**01. Verse:**

Dean used to think that poetry was all "Roses are red" crap, but Castiel has taken to intoning verses and snippets from Paradise Lost to him, and yeah, he doesn't always understand it, but he appreciates the medium a lot more that he used to.

**02. Visualize:**

He remembers watching a movie in which positive thinking was supposed to keep a bridge from falling, and he likes to imagine that maybe he can do the same for Cas; maybe thinking that he'll be there when Dean needs him can keep him from falling into his 2014 self.

**03. Vocalize**:

Sometimes things go unsaid, but they both know what they are, so it's okay.

**04. Veil:**

Cas still hides whatever he's thinking behind that stoic, head-tilt of a veil, but Dean's gotten a lot better at knowing what he's keeping to himself.

**05. Victim**:

Sam, Cas, Bobby, Lisa, Ben -there's no way in Heaven or Hell he's letting the Apocalypse claim any other lives.

**06. Volunteer:**

"It's charitable," says Castiel simply as he ladles out soup, and Dean rolls his eyes; he's never received a paycheck for hunting, but it wasn't like he had any other plans tonight, so he just grins and bears it.

**07. Vicissitude:**

Relationships change when the world is about to end, and maybe that's for the better.

**08. Vocabulary:**

"Whilom demons would never dare affraye, but agon are those times," Castiel says thoughtfully, and Dean just stares.

**09. Vociferous:  
**  
He ignores Castiel's pointed glare and bangs out _Moby Dick _in time with John Bonham on the Impala's steering wheel.

**10. Vitrine:**

There's glass and blood everywhere, but Castiel just stands up and keeps on going until the demon has been exorcised.

**11. Veteran:**

Heaven has fought more wars than this, Dean knows, but the way Cas goes about everything with a frighteningly cold sort of professionalism never ceases to amaze him.

**12. Vestige**

Cas says something, and before Dean knows it, he's laughing, and he didn't even know that he could still do that.

**13. Value  
**  
If the world ends, it'll lose a lot of nice stuff, but even though Dean isn't one for crappy Hallmark-esque inspirational quotes, he knows that he'd rather burn the shirt off of his back than give up Sam, or Castiel, or Bobby.

**14. Visor**

"I was told it would be sunny," Castiel replies, irritated, as Dean snorts at the angel, in his usual trench coat and tie, but with a visor perched upon his head.

**15. Volt**

Love is supposed to be electrifying, but he knows that it's impossible to measure what he feels.**  
**  
**16. Vogue**

"You are sick, Dean; and sick people read magazines;" he sort of appreciates the gesture, even if all the store had was fashion magazines.

**17. Veneer**

Dean wonders what Castiel's true form looks like, but he remembers what happens to Pamela, and he doesn't want to know what he's covering up.

**18. Vanity**

The one good thing about the apocalypse is that he no longer feels _pressured_ to go out and look damned great; now, he does it because the world could end any day, and he wants to go out in style.

**19. Vanilla**

"It is far superior to chocolate," insists Castiel, licking the vanilla ice-cream cone; Dean rolls his eyes and takes a slurp out of his half-melted double-fudge with sprinkles.

**20. Villain**

It used to be clear cut and simple -monsters bad, people good- but when Angels get involved and make his brother the villain, well, nothing's what it used to be. **  
**  
**21. Visit**

As Castiel's search for God progresses with increasing frenzy, he doesn't stop in as much as he used to.

**22. View**

"Earth never looked large from Heaven; I underestimated the hiding places that it holds."

**23. Virtuous **

Dean's already the righteous man, so he figures that he doesn't need to worry about following the Ten Commandments, or anything like that; he no longer has to worry about feeling guilty for stealing or using God's name in vain, not that he did anyway.

**24. Vignette**

He's looking at the illuminated manuscript, and he could swear that the illustration at the top showed a figure in a trench coat, and Dean can't help but wonder how much mileage Castiel is getting out of Jimmy's body.

**25. Valor  
**

They fight every day, he and Sam and Cas, and Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, Jo, and all the others- they fight because they have to, they fight for freedom, and they are never remembered, but they fight on anyway.

**26. Virtuoso **

"Your expertise on grave digging far surpasses that of anyone else I have ever encounter," Castiel says as he hands Dean the shovel, and Dean decides to take it as a compliment.

**27. Vacant**

In 2014, he looks in Cas' eyes, and despite the laughter, the drugs, the relationships, he doesn't see a thing.

**28. Vanished**

Some days Dean wonders if Castiel is still on Earth and looking for God, or if he's in Heaven, or what; some days, it's like Cas is just gone, but it isn't like he was around much before, so he does his best to convince himself that he's got nothing to worry about.

**29. Veer**

"Your driving is admirable, compared to that which I have seen in my travels," says Castiel from the Impala's back seat, and Dean nearly proves him wrong by veering off of the road completely.

**30. Voyeur **

Sometimes when the light is just right, between the time that the moon is fading and the sun is rising, he swears that he could see Castiel's wings unfurling, but he never asks Castiel about it; it's too personal, and there are some things he isn't meant to see.

**31. Vital**

If it weren't for hope, he'd have ended it all long ago; Dean needs Sam to keep holding on, and he needs Cas to not end up like he saw, because if that's all there is to fight for, there isn't anything at all.

**32. Vaudevillian  
**

The spirit is throwing things at him and singing, of all things, and all that Cas can say as he banishes it with a snap of his fingers is, "The ghosts of musical performers are more entertaining to fight than than demons."

** 33. Vivified**

"I pulled you from Hell; I gave you life... and through inciting my rebellion, you have done the same for me, Dean."

**34. Violation**

"I know the sign says that we can't park here after nine o'clock, Cas!"

**35. Volant**

"So, can you, y'know, fly among the clouds and stuff, instead of just bouncing from one place to another like Doc Manhattan?"  
**  
36. Voice**

He screams at the sky until his voice goes hoarse, and no one answers.

**37. Vice **

At some point during the Apocalypse, Dean stops drinking; at some point, Castiel starts.

**38. Vindicate**

At least Dean knows now that Mom never lied about angels watching over them, and he can't decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

**39. Volcanic **

Killing an Angel makes him feel powerful; the explosion as Zachariah screams, and the way the ground shakes as the light flares out, like an explosion of some sort, and it never occurs to him that he's killing Cas' brother.

**40. Voyage**

When sailors sailed out to find new lands, they never knew what trip would be their last; similarly, Dean's come to value every single drive he takes the Impala out for, because each one could be the one that ends it all.

**41. Votive **

He thinks sometimes about the promise he made to serve Heaven, and he decides that everything he does is part of that -this is his Heaven, here on Earth, and he won't let anyone take it away from him.

**42. Verdict  
**

God judges them all, and Dean knows for a fact that he hasn't been found guilty, but that sure as Hell doesn't feel like it absolves him.

******43. Veracity**

He never asks Cas about what Alistair said, about part of his soul being left behind in the Pit; since he left Heaven, he's always been honest, and Dean doesn't think he wants the truth.

******44. Verbose **

Castiel isn't one for words, to fill up the awkward spaces in between, but what he does say is usually worth listening to, if for nothing but a laugh.

**45. Visage**

Looks don't really matter, since Jimmy isn't Cas, Cas isn't Jimmy, and what Dean saw in 2014 was neither of them, or at least he liked to think it was.

******46. Vain**

"This song is pleasant to listen to, although I don't think it is about me."

******47. Violence**

Knives and blood and screams -Cas thinks he pulled Dean out of Hell, but a lot of it's still here.**  
****  
48. Variable**

There are a thousand and one things that their success depends upon; the only thing he can determine is that he, Cas, and Bobby are with Sam to the end.**  
****  
49. Void**

Sam leaves; Cas leaves; and Lisa looks at him with worried eyes, but he just feels empty inside.**  
****  
50. Vendetta  
**  
It all started with a father's quest for revenge, and Dean knows that -even though he should be wiser, more aware of the consequences- if someone did that to Sam, or to Cas, or to Lisa, he would do what John did without hesitation.


End file.
